‘Name calling’ is perhaps one of the most loveless and most destructive forms of communication used to prove a point or win an argument.
When someone calls you a name, it does so much more than hurt your feelings; it chips away at your inner essence, your core power and the very foundation of who you are.
The effects of name calling can last as little as a few moments (if you are extremely self-aware and grounded) or as long as an entire lifetime. In fact it is highly probable that right now, you are walking around with physical and emotional symptoms that you weren’t even aware of, that are rooted in an episode of name calling that you experienced as a young child or adolescent. When someone calls you a name, and you believe it, it takes everything you’ve got to heal and feel whole again.
Affected Energy Center/Chakra: Root Chakra (sanskrit name muladhara), developmental ages 1-8 years old.
Physical Effects: Anxiety attacks, shortness of breath, nightmares, instant head aches, fatigue, lower back pain, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, issue with the bones/skeletal structure.
Emotional Effects: Addiction (food, work, sex, drugs, booze, self-help), depression, insecurity, materialism, confusion, weak boundaries, passive aggressive, lack of control or influence in situations, often in survival mode , name calling (people who were called names often become name callers).
Main Issues: Lack of boundaries, not standing up for oneself, instability or lack of being grounded/centred.
If you are being called names frequently it is time to a) stop the attacks from continuing and b) repair any damage that has been done to your from previous attacks.
First you need to understand a little something about energy. When people are filled with love, they project love. Not hate...
Trust your intuition. You know when someone is being loving towards you or when someone is being hateful or spiteful towards you:
1. Notice the way the person looks.
2. Notice their breathing.
3. Notice their movement.
Be the observer. Wait to respond. Breath. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked into what they are saying… Now you must use your higher senses.
If the energy/tone/language being used doesn’t feel right or congruent, it is not to be trusted in the moment. This does not mean that you cannot trust your partner/friend/co-worker ever. What I’m saying here is that when they are projecting hate, see it as such. Do not engage that energy.
I know it’s not easy to be the observer when adrenaline kicks in…. So practice… Practice.. Practice… If you are confused in anyway about how to tell the difference, schedule a a free consultation with me and on that call I will teach you how to tap into your intuition so you can tell the difference in any situation.
If you’ve been being called names steadily or on and off for 6 months or more, you’ve likely developed some kind of silent f!ck off and leave me alone mechanism to escape your name calling friend or partner. Some examples of this are, going to bed to get away from the conversation, walking out, going silent , busying yourself with work/phone/i pad etc., agreeing (to shut them up) and making excuses to tend to the baby.
For the purposes of this article I’m using the word hate, to be quite honest I don’t really believe in ‘hate’… I believe that what we experience as ‘hate’ is actually nothing more than fear in disguise.
But since most of us weren’t taught how to express our fear in a way that empowers us, it seethes, it ferments, it seeps out through the cracks in our being, shoots daggers from our eyes and it froths out of our mouths.
We forget that our words are creating our world – everyone is being affected whether we aware of it, or agree with it or not.
When you find yourself in an unpleasant situation you always have two choices: you can a) wallow in self-pity and allow yourself to be a victim or b) you can ask yourself ‘what is the major life lesson I need to learn right now?’
Once you are clear about what major life lesson you are being shown, asked, summoned (or dragged kicking and screaming) to learn you are ready for the next step and to put an end to the name calling in your relationship once and for all. If you didn’t already guess what the major life lesson you need to learn is, I’ll tell you what it is…
It’s time for you to stand up for yourself, where you haven’t been… It’s time to say ‘enough!’ And when you say it, say it with power. Mean it! You must make it clear that you will not continue communication in a toxic space (when they are calling you names); but that are you more than willing to have an adult conversation when they are ready
Be open to the possibility of this being resolved quickly, but understand that you are trying to change your behaviour as well as your partner/friend/business partner’s behaviour. You must be patient.
Likely, it will take time, practice, multiple conversations and quite possibly the even the assistance of a coach or therapist. The more you practice the quicker you will see results.
It’s so important that you see for yourself right now in this moment that someone calling you names is absolutely forgivable, but it is unacceptable behaviour going forward. The person that is calling you names is not a ‘bad‘ person… I’m sure that there are really crappy, ugly, and emotionally terrorizing things that you do to others too when you are upset with them. For example in some instances your silence is like stabbing a lethal injection right into your partners heart… And you know this and you do it anyway…
No one here is a saint. With that being said the only person who is 100% responsible for you is you.
So it’s up to you to make it clear that you will no longer tolerate being called a ‘ bitch’, ‘pathetic’, ‘stupid’, ‘lazy’, ‘worthless’, ‘heifer’, ‘piece of sh!t’… Or any word(s) that leaves you feeling holistically unloved, undervalued, dishonoured, dismissed, disrespected, silenced, enraged or enslaved, in fear or powerless.
You are the one who must speak up, stand up if necessary, be absofreakinglutely unwavering about the fact that this behaviour and way of talking to you must end immediately. Note, this is going to be very scary for you. Be very prepared for your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, lover, business partner, whoever it is to loose their mind. Why? Because you just flipped the script. Being ‘nasty’ will no longer buy them power or allow them to win.
And just to be clear. This is not a game. I’m not trying to teach you how to manipulate or ‘pull the rug’ out from under another person. What I’m teaching you is how to love yourself. How to respect and love yourself to the highest degree; and train others that you will not accept anything less than that anymore.
Also if you are truly committed to the growth of that other person don’t let them get away with this stuff. You being silent doesn’t help them to grow – instead it stifles them. So don’t feel guilty about speaking up. When you do your very best to be your best self, you give your partner permission to do the same. You grow together.
When we do not feel worthy, we lower our standards… We accept being treated poorly… One of the most effective ways to increase your self-worth is to create a self-care routine as a part of your self-love program. Self-care involves learning how to release unhealthy anger, learning how to allow pleasure , learning how to stop falling off the wagon and so much more.
Taking care of yourself mind, body and spirit has you energetically become someone who is no longer a vibrational match for that kind of loveless style of communication. You will also feel even better about yourself than you do right now; which will inevitably lead you to raise your standards and let go of all kinds of things that you once found acceptable.
As you begin to expand your concept of self-love, explore new opportunities to practice self-care you will also come across all kinds of really fun, awesome and funky things to try which will also assist you in healing your root chakra – so you can heal all aspects of your self (past and present) and organically lessen instances of name calling in your current relationships.
A great tip to help you release energy which may being blocked in your root chakra is to do a variation of what is known in yoga as the bridge pose. It’s simplicity allow you to really settle your mind, breath in and out nice and slowly, and ground yourself while stimulating the flow of energy to your root chakra.
The idea is to push your lower back towards the floor. Then push your butt upwards. Go ahead and try this for a few days and notice how your body feels…
Many of my clients have reported that they notice that they stand/walk taller, some say that they feel as though they command attention when they walk into a room and few have mentioned that they feel stronger when they are in an argument with their partner.
Always be sure to consult your physician as well as an energy healer if you are experiencing any pain or discomfort in your body. Remember, just as you would see your family doctor regularly for a physical or your dentist to get your teeth cleaned, it is important to schedule regular visits with an energy healer.
In this article I’ve given you some of the most simplest, yet effective steps to prevent you from being attacked again and help you heal any old wounds. Because name calling affects us in so many ways and on so many levels I always recommend working one one one with a coach and healer – these coaches and practitioners are trained to detect emotional imbalances, tears or blockages in your energy field and issues that are affecting you emotionally at a subconscious level.
Today we looked at the root chakra, but did you know that there 6 other chakras also affected by name calling. Yes! 6 others…. The root is just the beginning.
Name calling isn’t pretty that’s true, but no one ever said that loving would be easy or pretty. Each of us are fighting to be loved, to be heard, to be validated or as Oprah would say, ‘we want to know that we matter’… Know that when you are standing up for yourself, you are standing for love.
You can do it. I believe in you.
You are awesome… Awesome… That’s a name I hope you carry with you for a lifetime.